The Sophisticated Narcissist


Their fans are everywhere.  They have loyal followers who will publicly defend them.  They have street-smarts, play the game well and have a diploma to prove it.  Martyrs pale in comparison.  She/he is the sophisticated narcissist (SN).

The SNs make you feel crazy, make you feel you are abnormal and by the time you have figured them out, your family and friends are in their web.  It is scary.  They have managed to infiltrate your life and turn it upside down without you even knowing it.  It makes the word, subtle, seem misdefined.  And it is not even a movie…it is your life…it is my life.

I got in deep with Lydia, who I would consider an SN.  I became good friends with her (I thought we were good friends).  After dealing with that level of sophistication, I didn’t even know what was going on.  The moment of realizing how much I had been fooled sent me down a bad path.  I was angry.  It took me a while to realize that no one would validate my feelings about her…not even my significant other.  She seems perfectly normal to others.

Then, recently another SN entered my FOC (family of choice).  She married my boyfriend’s best friend.  She came across like someone I could hang with (of course).  But when I had met her I had already discovered NPD and narcissism.  I was more cautious with getting to know her.  I let down my guard a few times and I paid the price.  It became clear.

The SN differs from the everyday narcissist.  The everyday narcissist that slips up and leaves a trail of ex-friends behind.  The history and at times the validation that they are in fact a narcissist provides you sanity.  The SN offers none of the comforts the everyday narcissist provides.  That is their sophistication.  Their secret.  You stand alone.

But you are not alone.  Fellow readers and bloggers hear you and feel your pain.

Their secret seems to be untouchable and escapes reality.  The SN has a network of friends and family.  She has enemies too but her enemies are her friend’s enemies.  Her network of constant supply is established and I was on the outside.  I was the supply to her narcissism…why does she go outside her network?  Imagine if she made her inner circle feel like how I or you do constantly and repeatedly?  She knows when to take a break from her inner circle…she knows when to search for it outside.  She cares for the inner circle, she spent a lot of time establishing it and fine tuning where and when she can get her supply.  Her inner circle provides her her history…proof and reminders everyday of her greatness.

And if you leave, you will face the consequences.  Any friends you may have picked up from her inner circle won’t be there after you leave.  Worse, she picked up some of your friends and family.  And they won’t believe you.

The Sophisticated Narcissist.  They can manipulate like its breathing.  They are that good.

Narcissists on Facebook

Aaahhh…the era of social networking…with any advancement in society comes the good, the bad and the ugly.  And for narcissists on Facebook…well, that’s the ugly part.

Facebook is another channel for the narcissist to get their narc supply (attention from others), insult you (to feel better about themselves) and overall create the image (false image) of themselves.

Narcissists who use Facebook have some common behaviors (how the narcs behave that I have been connected to):

  • Status Posts: Almost always an attention seeking format (look at me for what I have got or look at me and feel bad for me that this has happened).  Either way they want the attention.  If you don’t respond appropriately forget getting a comment back from the narcissist.
  • Comments (they write to others):  When narcs make comments on someone’s photo or status it comes back to them, it usually is about them and not an actual comment on the photo or status that you wrote.
  • If the comment is not about them then it is a way to subtly put you down.  They are insulting you but it is disguised as a joke.  Example, ‘oh, you finally made it to the gym.’; ‘oh…you didn’t get lost this time.’
  • Self promoting activities: Joining a lot of groups that help them self promote on Facebook.  For example, one Narc kept joining different ‘save the animals’ group.  Well, this is self promotion because I saw her everyday and she didn’t do anything in her life for save the animals…it was only on Facebook.

A study was done on this very topic and highlighted some interesting findings about Narcissists and Facebook (click here for article).

Their overall use on Facebook is not to keep in touch with friends but yet another way to get the supply.  The good thing about Facebook is that you can Remove the narc from this medium or you can Hide posts from your News Feed page.  At least it is a temporary relief from the narc attacks that come through Facebook!