Resources


A list of resources I have read (updated periodically)

Narcissism (the range):

Malignant Narcissism / Pathological Narcissism:

Maternal Narcissism

Personality Disorders

  • Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D.: Emotional Vampires (2nd edition) – Dealing with People Who Drain You

Family Systems:

  • John Friel & Linda Friel: Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families
  • Robin Skynner & John Cleese: Families and How to Survive Them

Abuse

  • Child Abuse → Alice Miller: The Drama of the Gifted Child
  • Verbal Abuse → Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D.: You Can’t Say That to Me!  Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse

Boundaries

  • Anne Katherine, M.A.: Boundaries – Where You End and I Begin
  • Anne Katherine, M.A.: Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day

Manipulation

  • Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D.: Who’s Pulling Your Strings? – How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life
  • George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D.: In Sheep’s Clothing (Revised Edition), Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

Emotions

  • Daniel Goleman: Emotional Intelligence
  • Paul Ekman: Emotions Revealed
  • Paul Ekman Journal Articles

Shame:

Anger

  • Harriet Lerner, Ph.D: The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
  • Harriet Lerner, Ph.D: The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone when You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate

Fear/Anxiety:

  • Gavin de Becker: “The Gift of Fear”

2 thoughts on “Resources

  1. I just found this site. I, too, discovered I was raised about a narcissistic mom. I discovered it in June of 2011. I finally snapped from my mom’s “helpful tips” that were constantly hurtful. I just typed on the internet, “why is my mom so mean?” and Dr. McBride’s site came up. Since then I have been to counseling and have really recognized how many narcs have been in my life for the almost 50 years I’ve been here. I have not searched your whole site so if you can lead me to where I need to go for this question, that would be great. How did you deal with knowing your were raised by a narc mom? How long to work through it? Do you still talk to her or not? Do you have siblings that are the Golden Child etc? I’m at the point now of cutting all ties because I am now being blamed for all the dysfunction in my family. I have not talked to my sister in 2 years since she is the golden child and my mom blames me for the division in our family. This past Christmas we tried to get every body together, but true narc form they kept the division going. I’m just sick of thinking about it period. I know what to say to them now and they don’t like it. The book Boundaries really helped me too. Anyway. glad I found this site. Hope to see your response. Also, did you ever see the blog, One Angry Daughter? That blog spoke volumes to me. She has since closed it down.

    Thank you!

    Like

    • Thanks for reading, Kelly!
      Let me know if I don’t answer effectively –
      1. How did you deal with knowing your were raised by a narc mom?
      Once I was aware, like you, I sought information and it led me to Dr McBride’s book. I found her process helpful in the first ‘stage’ of recovery (please not that it is not an accepted order, I refer only to the order it went for me). I grieved the relationship – which is a similar loss to actually when someone we love dies. It is a loss – not physically but emotionally. I spent a while on this though I haven’t written in a blog about it, I wrote in a journal. I grieved until I was sick of grieving and then acceptance for what our relationship came. This one has been a bit of an ongoing process. I have had to accept very much the fact that she doesn’t love me nor will she ever. From there, my journey has been about changing my behaviors – my response to narcissistic people and my own narcissistic behaviors.

      2.How long to work through it?
      I am still working on it :). This journey will be ongoing for me, some times hard and challenging and a few times, there have been easy parts. I don’t give myself a deadline or limit on time, I am very time adverse and taking away that restriction has been like lifting a burden. (never liked timed tests)

      3. Do you still talk to her or not?
      I went No Contact before I understood Narcissism or knew about it. My mother is of the overt narcissism where there was physical abuse so I got out – I went No Contact for 5 years and b/c of my father’s illness and this journey I have taken I am able to be in contact with her now. It is limited because they live on a different continent than me. So the visits are not a lot – which helps.

      4. Do you have siblings that are the Golden Child etc?
      I do not have siblings – and ironically I am blamed for this by my mother. I am an only child. I am the scapegoat in the family. My husband is the Golden Child and his younger brother is the scapegoat. I have understood a lot more about narcissism through their interactions because it is so subtle.

      I can understand what you have been through. The holidays are especially difficult and society does not help us deal with it healthily. That is not easy to go through. You are not alone and from the sidebar you will find more places of healing. I did read One Angry Daughter until it disappeared. I have found comfort, guidance, hope and faith with my fellow bloggers. Thank you for reading and for sharing your story. I am glad it helped. Hugs, TR

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