Narcissism Slayers

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After dealing with my own demons and my unhealthy families during the holidays, the coolest thing to see after it was that I was nominated for the The Narcissism Slayer Award by CZBZ at The Narcissist Continuum.  Her blog has helped me understand so much about my own battle with narcissism and I am grateful for her insight and wisdom.  Thank you this and for the nomination.

It is so great to be in the company of bloggers that are courageous to say what they think and feel and to have a support system when I am dealing with all that is going on in my head.  You have changed how I cross the threshold into the enmeshed family’s home.  I know you are by my side and that feeling of being alone is no longer there when I have to take one more abusive comment.  Or when I make a mistake or realise my own unhealthy narcissism.  Thank You.

Here is the post with the rules and guidelines at The Narcissist Continuum.

I second the blogs listed at the The Narcissist Continuum as well as the following:

The Project: Me by Judy

Releasing Jessie

We are One

As for guideline #5 (Share one positive thing you took away from your relationship with a narcissist).  I took away my self-worth.  I don’t know if I had any or if I had still a morsel of some but I know that I never felt worthy of much.  Worthy of standing up for myself, saying hey, I deserve better than this.  That after behaving narcissistically or making a mistake or saying something mean to DH I am still worthy.  I fall off kilter and I think it is natural but I am able to find my way back to my own self-worth.

When someone tries and devalues my worth because I am an only child or am jobless or for whatever reason that this isn’t acceptable and that that is how someone else measures it.  And on the flip side, I too come with a nicely defined worthiness list that I grew up thinking that my own and other’s is measured by this.  And I am so grateful that the narcissists have helped me see that this list only exists as long as I keep it alive with my own behaviours towards others and myself.

Hugs, TR

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13 thoughts on “Narcissism Slayers

  1. I’m so glad you’re still writing! I read (and commented) through my first blog (Both Sides Now). I just wanted to let you know, even though I’m blogging under my real name and a new blog I still read and appreciate all that you offer our world. Keep up the good work! There’s a lot of us out there.

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  2. Congratulations fellow Narcissism Slayer!!! 😉 You so deserve this award. I have learned so much from you and your willingness of looking at your own behaviours too. It takes a lot of courage to do this and I really admire you for it.
    Love,
    Kara xxoo

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  3. Boy have you earned this. One of the things I love most about your blog is the way you regularly remind us to look at our own role in the dynamics as well. I value your honesty, and your emotional courage. xo CS

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  4. Yes, TR. You are a “slayer” and it gave me great pleasure to validate your hard work. We don’t get very much of that do we? I think many of us grew up doing whatever had to be done without any praise, without validation, without recognition. So when we needed to work on ourselves and put great effort into articulating our process, we didn’t expect anyone to “value” what we’ve done.

    If all of you are like myself, it was a bit of a surprise when someone said, “Well done! And here’s an award to print out for your wall.” Cuz yea, some of us always wanted an award on our wall but didn’t ever get one so now’s our chance. I wonder what the carpet cleaner will think when he goes in my office and sees “Narcissistic Slayer” hanging proudly by my computer desk. ha…well, it’s better than getting an award for the Choosing The Worst Husband In The World. I deserve that one, too.

    Love
    CZ

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    • Hi CZ,
      That validation, indeed, doesn’t happen very much. It was wonderful that you recognised me for this award. It is an amazing feeling when it happens :).

      Yes, I still feel the surprise when I get recognition. I still have the natural tendency to say ‘oh no, I didn’t do anything, oh I don’t deserve it’. I try and stop myself and am trying to lean into the uncomfortability of it. Hahaha, it may have made the carpet cleaner’s day. 🙂

      Hugs, TR

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  5. Does the narcissism thoughts ever end…had a moment tonight with hubby…my insecurities etc….I’m just tired of having to be on the look out for them all the time.

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    • I have felt like that too. When you realize that a a lot of our relationships are unhealthy it is so overwhelming. It was so much to take at a time, the realization of my FOO, friends, co-workers. It came at me all at once. Something that a lot of fellow bloggers write about is about taking it one day at time or even five minutes at a time. Process what is happening now and remembering to breathe. Remembering to breathe really helped me because it forced me to focus on the now and focus on something I wasn’t conscious of – helping to aid in becoming conscious of my thoughts and feelings. Small steps, baby steps includes crawling. I hope this helps. 🙂

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