Report of Pupil Progress

I don’t have a lot of stuff from childhood.  My mother has repeatedly claimed to have thrown my stuff out and I tried to salvage what I could on my visits.  I do have a folder (with me here) that has records of my immunisations and old report cards from grade school to high school.

Here is my progress report when I was 7 years.

Report1

The teacher points out 2 things that struck me as interesting: I had difficulty working independently (without assistance) and oral communication.

So, if I translate this correctly I wait to do something until I am told (otherwise I would be in trouble) and I shouldn’t speak unless told to do so (otherwise I would be in trouble).  Yup, school was just like home.

This is my favourite part of the progress report:

Report2

“Your interest in your child’s progress in school is very important.  It will be of great help to him if each time you receive your child’s report card you go over each item very carefully with him.”

It is merely a suggestion?  It was surprising to read this now after all these years and after N.  I felt again the pain of how much my mother had dismissed me growing up.  Not just from not talking to me about any of report cards but also to making sure I was quiet and didn’t do anything until she told me to do so.  She wanted me to be quiet, sit still and do as told.  On that front, A+ all the way.

xxoo T

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11 thoughts on “Report of Pupil Progress

  1. Great post! I can so relate to this! I’ve always steered away from learning new things, because focusing on what I was already good at kept the belittling, criticism and punitive reactions caused by not “performing” well. There was never a grace period for learning. It wasn’t until just a couple of years ago I found myself in a safe environment for learning…and after “fighting” it realized I could really enjoy learning new things. Failure was never an option before. Now, I’ve learned (or am still learning) to embrace my learning period instead of focusing on a “failure”.

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    • Hi Barbara,

      Thank you! I can relate to focusing on what I am good at. I find it comfortable to stay at the same level and not advance. That is great that after all this we can begin to find joys in things like learning – activities that, at one time, created more stress, fear, etc.

      I hadn’t connected this to how I learn now. That is very insightful. If I look at how I have chosen adult learning – I tend to choose programs where there is no exam at the end. I’m taking a language course at a school that assesses my improvement in one module and there is not hard pass/fail like other language schools. I find that I improve more knowing this and that I have more motivation to learn more than to just pass an exam.

      How Ns look at failure is so interesting. My mother was forced to look at my grades once – when she was forced to have a parent-teacher conference about a failure I got – she went through the roof. And it wasn’t about the fact I wasn’t learning or trying – it was that she was ‘scolded’ by the teacher for my performance.

      It seems like everything takes on new meaning when seeing it through the N lens. xxoo T

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  2. I agree with your self-assessment. My mother, although not a narcissist, was very controlling and during my adolescence and teenage years I had issues with the opposite reaction – I was quite a rebel and was often outspoken to the point of being rude. I really had to learn to regulate my knee-jerk responses to what I interpreted as any attempt at control. As an adult I wound up going the other way and had issues with boundaries. It’s only now (after about forty years!) that I feel like I have settled into an even keel.

    I wish you all the best in dealing with these issues – it’s not easy.

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  3. Hi TR, it is very haunting reading/seeing these. Your teachers noticed you needed some individualized attention. Some positive attention. So powerful. I wish I had my early report cards. I was the opposite grammar school–I too needed some attention, but was vocal to try to get it. Our parents’ dropped the ball, big time. thanks for sharing these. love CS

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    • Hi CS, that is something I hadn’t noticed, thank you for pointing that out. My mother never helped me with my homework, read to me etc. I have had some repressed memories come up this last week which prompted me to look into these files.
      That is great you were able to vocalise your needs. I struggle with this very much. I can recognise needs in myself but often fall short on the communication part and it is very haunting to read this in the report. Hugs, T

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      • Hi T,
        My mother never read to me or helped with homework either. She claims she taught me to read but I have no memories of it whatsoever. My father did help a bit with the homework but he had no patience and would hit us in the head if we got it wrong. I don’t remember my father helping us out past 7 years old (we probably worked out that it was safer to do the homework on our own).

        Kara xxoo

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    • wow, that would have been me in school too, though I don’t think the teachers ever picked up on it, because that was what most adults preferred in children at the time (since it would mean an easier life for them). I’ll have to see if I can get hold of my school reports, they must be in my parents’ house somewhere, since my mother never throws anything away 😛

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      • It was interesting to read this; it was nice to have an ‘outsider’ view or some insight into signs I might have had at that age from being in an N family. I hope you can find them.

        This and another memory from when I transferred schools (going to post) – I feel lucky that there were advocates like teachers in my life. It may be why I didn’t continue going down the N path myself. xxT

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