Abe Lincoln and the Girls

This past Wednesday was the 204th birthday of the 16th President of the United States of America.  Coincidentally, I went to the cinema last weekend and saw the movie, Lincoln.  There was so much of his communication style that came across in Daniel Day Lewis’s performance that made it intriguing to watch – having only ever read his words.

After watching the movie, I remembered an article that I had read a year ago and it had stuck in my head.  What we know is that he was a great communicator.  And often, the whole tale is not talked about it.  He saw how powerful of a communicator he was and he didn’t always use it purposefully.  I would love to hear your thoughts on the article.

On a totally unrelated subject, I started re-watching Gilmore Girls.  When I was writing my thesis in the fall of 2007 I discovered the show Gilmore Girls.  It was on at dinner time every day of the week and I was hooked.  It was such a great break to watch during the most stressful part of school for me.  The fast talking, heavy referenced dialogue made me laugh in the middle of it all.

And just last month they started re-playing the series again.  It is on at the time I start cooking dinner and enjoy having it on in the background while I’m in the kitchen.  I hadn’t thought about the show since I had seen it the first time around in late 2007/early 2008.

And then, I realised it.  I couldn’t believe it.  The family drama was about 3 generations of women and the grandmother behaved narcissistically.  In fact, the whole show’s theme is around the main character balancing and dealing with her N mother while trying to raise her daughter in a manner completely opposite to her upbringing.  The episodes have brought on a whole different perspective for me the second time around.  Isn’t that truth of us ACoNs?

xxoo T Reddy


6 thoughts on “Abe Lincoln and the Girls

  1. Loved Gilmore Girls! I was so disappointed when Parenthood didn’t have the same spunk. Totally right about the N Mom. I don’t think I thought about it back then either. I was too busy figuring out what my own parents were doing.


  2. I remember the Gilmore Girls. I cringed at the grandmother every time she was on. I think that tv comedies are full of narc family members. They’re held up as objects of laughter sometimes, which underplays how much damage they actually do. On television, their children often manage to shrug them off, or roll their eyes and tolerate such behavior. I think about Everybody Loves Raymond, that mother, Marie and her DIL. Marie was a nightmare. I never thought she was funny. Gilmore Girls is better written, and more serious, an engrossing show. xxCS


    • The grandmother is very special in her manipulations. I do think the laughter can underplay the damage and as I’m re-watching I can see the main character has been damaged and continues to be (point of view has changed). I think that people who don’t know about N actually do that in real life – roll their eyes and tolerate it.

      I have seen Everybody Loves Raymond and I had to stop. I couldn’t stand Marie – it was just too awful. I think in some ways this would have been my situation had I lived in the same town as my MiL. I honestly do think there is a reason why DH and I have been willing to live abroad this long. 🙂

      xxoo T


  3. Hi T,
    I found the article on Lincoln’s communication skills fascinating. It made think that one of the main differences between Ns and non-Ns is how they use language. We all have the ability to blast our enemies with words, and more than not we could say things that would damage them, but, like Lincoln, we choose not to. I liked his idea of writing letters about how he felt but not send them. I can see that it would help to get things off one’s chest without having to attack the other person.
    I hadn’t heard of the series ‘Gilmore Girls’, I checked and it was shown in the UK but on a channel that I don’t have. I’ve never seen Everybody loves Raymond either, though I know the series. We’re friends with an Italian couple and they always say what happens on the show it’s just like what happens in their family (they have very enmeshed in-laws, subject for a whole other post I guess 😉
    I also find that re-watching series or films that I had seen when I was younger (or re-reading books for that matter) once I learned about Narcissism, it was like seeing them under a whole new light.

    Kara xxoo


    • “We all have the ability to blast our enemies with words, and more than not we could say things that would damage them, but, like Lincoln, we choose not to. ”
      So true, the choice is the important part of it.

      I was also fascinated how he would write letters and not publish them. Even after all this time, writing is still soothing for the soul. 🙂



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