Why I am so attracted to Ns? PWC (Polly Want a Narcissist) said in her post:
Do I gravitate towards them?
Yes, it’s as simple as that. I could walk across a crowded room and collect three Narcissists on my way, I’m that good at finding the N in the room.
I still laugh when I think of this post – how eloquently she states the truth. I use this early warning sign when I meet new people. When I am instantly attracted to someone or like someone I proceed with caution now. But I wanted to know why?
And for the most part I would tell myself: you’re attracted to the familiar. But sometimes they are attracted to me and in some way hone in on me. Why is that so? Why am I attracted to them and they to me?
I’ve thought about this for a very, very long time since writing about early signs of an N in January of 2012.
And on my recent summer holiday I realized something about myself. I was in a major tourist area and it was a busy day. Crowded, hot and sticky. I was standing at a view point – looking over the town that led down to the sea. It was breathtaking. I was standing there looking at it, not taking a picture but just enjoying it. My simple enjoyment was interrupted by a guy who nudged me to take a photo. I didn’t think anything of it. I wasn’t in his way and so he stood right next me to take the photo of the scene. And as I tried to enjoy the scene before me I felt oddly annoyed. It made me turn around. And a woman was standing right behind me with her child. She was so close to me – not touching but really close I could feel her breath despite the heat. She stared at me. And I reacted quickly. I moved over so she could stand next to what I presumed to be her husband. When I moved over I noticed the emptiness to my right side. How there was nobody along the railing and it was the same exact view from where I was standing. And yet this man and woman needed to stand on my left side and in my spot instead my right side. I had moved for them even though it was absolutely not necessary.
It was a nuance that only an N would notice. And I realised that that is how I have so subtly behaved to people in general and even to my friends. Thinking I’m the inconvenience when in fact I am NOT. I am not in their way a majority of the time. And for some reason the N can pick up those nuances quickly and that is how they maybe can be attracted to me?
And the flip side of it, I came to the realisation that I am attracted to them out of familiarity. I still had one question lingering. All the Ns are different on the outside. The Ns that are friends don’t behave like my NM. They don’t use fear like she did so how can I be attracted to someone who seems very different from my NM. And after writing my recent posts on Worth I found something that seemed to make sense with all my N friends.
They defined my Worth.
That is what I was attracted to. That was familiar. At times it can be very mesmerising to have someone define Worth. It gave me something to hold onto, a sense of structure. I didn’t have my mom’s definition around after moving out so another person’s was a good replacement. The ones that do (even subtly) seem to have a self-confidence, seem to have figured life out. All the Ns came across that way at first. They would in a very sneaky way define Worth and then show or assert the fact that they measured up to their own definition that was, of course, universal in their eyes.
And even if non-Ns define Worth it can be an attractive quality. I am in admiration sometimes. It seems so reassuring at first. Later on it is a different story about how together they really are but that initial attraction, I get.
I’m just feeling out some thoughts on this and was wondering if anyone else seemed to understand the initial attraction?
xx T Reddy