Waste your money and you’re only out of money, but waste your time and you’ve lost a part of your life. -Michael LeBoeuf

A friend of mine posted this as his status on Facebook.  In fact everyday he posts a quote. It is really nice to read them daily.

It got me thinking of N, of course.  I do think about the time lost with Ns and not spent with true friends or on my goals.  And there seems to be a dip right now in my life.  Like the focus I seem to have always had is fading.  And who knows what the cycles are in recovery as it is different for all of us.  This dip is concerning to me.

I am scared because I have managed to get Ns out of my life.  My N meter is very low.  The only contact I may have with Ns is through Facebook or e-mail.  And that I am happy to say is I have no real N contact.

So, what gives?  If I am not wasting my time on Ns what is my deal.

I am still wasting my time.  I have to focus on me and that is harder than focusing on them and all their messed-upness.  I have to focus on my healing.  And I am not doing it.  I don’t know how to find the true me.  The one that is not lost because I never really developed.  So, here is my chance to fully heal.  I accept all that is N in my life.  And now I have to find me.

I even did some web searches and that didn’t speak to me.  Dr. Karyl McBride’s book had a process and the process wasn’t really me (no pun intended).  I found her steps great for grieving and accepting the Ns in my life but the next part where I focus on finding myself, lost me.

If anyone has any advice or steps they have tried to finding themselves, I would love to hear it.  I am pretty much starting from a clean slate and anything would help.



10 thoughts on “Waste

  1. Hi T Reddy,
    I thoroughly agree with you on your take of Karyl McBride’s book. I think it’s really hard, after a lifetime focusing on the Ns , to focus on our own life (pretty much as I imagine it must be for people who look after someone with a long term illness and when that person dies they don’t know what to do with themselves since their whole life was completely focused on looking after the ill person), it’s like you don’t know what to do with yourself now you have all this free time.
    Where to start to even find oneself? I’ve been thinking about this too since I became aware of narcissism, of how much of me is really me and how much of me is the “character/role” that my parents set me up to play. I don’t know. I’m thinking whether it might be easier to think in terms of what we like or what we want for the time being which is something we where not allowed to have before, and see where that takes us. Maybe that might make our real self “emerge” from her hiding place. That’s what I’m going to focus on for the next year, I’ll let you know how it works and also if I come across any other ideas while I keep researching this subject.


    • Hi Kara,
      That would great to hear how it is going with you.

      I was introduced to Brené Brown through the Both Sides Now blog: http://onbothsidesnow.wordpress.com.

      She has written a few books that I think indirectly related to our challenges. I just finished her book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’. It isn’t how to find yourself book but it is about living authentically. I am going to write a post about it soon. It is a step in the journey.

      Thank you for sharing your journey.



  2. Hi T Reddy,
    Sorry about the delay in replying, looks like you beat me to it 😉 . You are more than welcome to read my private blog, just email me an email address so I can add you to the reader’s list. (I was trying to see if you had one available on your profile but couldn’t find it.)
    Also, thanks for the link on Brene Brown, I had not heard of her before. Will check it out. I look forward to your post on her book.


  3. What’s helped me is involving myself in projects and responsibilities that demand my time, focus, and motivation to carry-through. Leaving the dysfunction behind leaves so much free time! Good luck.


  4. Hi there- To work on myself, I’ve found it helpful to go to church! I grew up Catholic, but don’t really feel at home in the Catholic church… so found a great Presbyterian church nearby with lots of music and a pastor who gives very inspiring talks. I have been to a few other local churches, too. I’m planning to go to Synagogue one of these days (husband grew up Jewish). I’m definitely not looking to connect with people so much at these places- I have good people already in life. And church-y people make me a little leery. Not looking for much, mostly some carved out time to connect to God. After all, why do we want to work on ourselves? Why do we strive to do better, be better after all? For me, it’s because I submit to a higher power. If I’m good with God, I’m good all around. It’s lifelong work. All the best, Joan


    • Hi Joan,
      Thank you for the helpful idea. I think it is a great idea to have a regular source of inspiration. Fellow bloggers and your comments help as a source of such inspiration!

      Thanks for reading the blog!
      T Reddy



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