Your Day

It’s graduation time!  Congratulations to all the graduates!  Graduation is one of those rites of passage.  It means you accomplished your goal…and it can be for anything…swim classes, language classes, high school, college, wedding, etc.  It is a wonderful time!

Going through this rite of passage is hard with an N in your life.   Your Day becomes eaten up by the N and they can somehow suck the joy you feel with a few strategically placed words at the right time.

A post came through on Facebook about graduation a few days ago that reminded me of their subtle evilness:

I just graduated with my BSN (bachelor) and I’m going to start my MS (master) in the fall!

Comments from friends:

‘Congratulations!’

‘Way to go’

‘Congrats!’

‘That’s terrific’

‘Congrats!’

‘strong work…make sure you take a break’

‘I am happy for you’

‘Congratulations!’

‘Woooohoooo!’

I’ll let you guess which comment came from the N friend.  It is uncanny how they can some how take a joyful, happy moment and turn it into something else.  The days you are supposed to be just happy…the moments when you are in the moment…you don’t think about anything else like the future…you are just happy you accomplished it.  The next steps and all that is for tomorrow are not on your mind…today is your day.

I share with you my graduation day with my narcissistic mother.

I remembered the days leading up to my high school graduation ceremony.  My mom took me shopping and picked out the dress for me.  It wasn’t what I liked but remember thinking…at least I got a new dress.  On the morning of the ceremony I was getting ready and putting on my dress and my mom came into my room.  She was upset.

I don’t actually remember the details of what she was upset about but I remember her leaving my room and going downstairs.  I believe she was upset that I wasn’t wearing pantyhose with the dress (I have eczema on my legs and I think she wanted me to cover it up on a hot day!). I  ran downstairs to talk to her and she is standing at the bottom of the stairs.  She starts yelling and then I start yelling.  And at a certain moment my mom goes into another room.  All I remember is sitting at the bottom of the steps crying in my new dress.  I sat there crying and upset and feeling awful.  I had done something wrong.  My dad begged me not to make her more upset.  He was pleading with me to not provoke her on a day like this.  I just continued to cry.

All of a sudden my mom comes into the room and says we need to leave now.  We drove to the ceremony in silence and I was no longer looking forward to this event.  I was upset and angry.  The ceremony went smoothly and I spoke with my friends, took pictures (not really smiling), etc.  All the time feeling awful about the fight with my mom and what I had done to upset her so badly.  It was a horrible day that sticks out in my memory.

When it came time to my university graduation I didn’t bother to go or have my parents come to the university.  It was like any other day.  I was somehow ensuring that the same thing wouldn’t happen by not doing anything enjoyable to celebrate this happy moment in my life.  In the end I was preventing a repeat performance by punishing myself.

I looked up the root ‘grad’ today and found out it means progress as well as grade.  It sounded nice…progress…I think whatever next graduation I attend…a friend’s, my own children’s…I hope to have made progress…I hope to have graduated from my NM.  To all those future graduates of NMs…stay strong, we can do this together.

x

T Reddy

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7 thoughts on “Your Day

  1. Hey T Reddy,

    I remember my University graduation, thankfully it went pretty smoothly. After the ceremony, I found my family and went around hugging them, I mum looked like an upset little child slumped in the back of the group, with a face like I took her favourite toy from her. Inside I was angry, but I was determined to not let her get to me, I pretended to ignore her behaviour and just went up and gave her a big hug then moved on. My father and his second wife were there, so I think she knew she couldn’t make much of a scene or attack me in front of the others.

    It still saddens me to think she wastes her time choosing to be that way, and that she misses out on the joyful moments when she could be so proud of her children.

    By the way, I’m back in London from my trip back to Australia! I’ll have to write up some details soon, but the trip went really well, especially my planned interactions with my mother. That book I mentioned to you was REALLY helpful too. I didn’t let her ruin my trip, or stress me out, or make me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my friends and other family members. It was a resounding success and I’m feeling really empowered!

    xx

    Like

    • Hi Kellie,
      So great to hear from you! Glad to hear the trip went well!

      Thanks for the resource tip…I’ll mention it in the next post!

      I don’t know if you have your own blog…(if you send me the link, would love to read it)…if you don’t and want to write from time to time you are more than welcome to be a writer on this blog.

      Looking forward to hearing more!

      xoxo
      T Reddy

      Like

      • Hi T Reddy, I don’t have my own blog at all, I’ve never thought of myself as an good writer! Your blog is the only one that I follow on this subject and I would love to participate! 🙂

        Like

    • What book is that? I would love to hear more about it. My mother also gives me massive guilt trips for seeing other friends while I visit them, the disapproving way she looks at me you’d think I’d been stealing from old ladies 😛
      xx

      Like

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