Why? Nature or nuture? Such a black and white question? And that isn’t really the case. And we may never know what leads a person to have this disorder or extreme levels of narcissistic traits…but I still wonder. I wonder because my mom has it. I wonder because I have attracted narcissistic people and people with NPD into my life routinely. I wonder because I sit here today with you, fellow bloggers and readers, together we are defying much of what has been written about the cause of Narcissism.
If narcissistic abuse leads to narcissism then the cycle is vicious. And as I read everyone’s stories the cycle is a myth and we are living proof. So I wonder why so much of what is written about the causes of Narcissism seems contrary to the truth.
In fact a lot of what is written seems in contrary to much of my reality. The 75% of all narcissists are male…well, up until now I have dealt with 1 male and the rest have been females. The numbers are skewed…and we know why.
Looking at the population of the narcissists in my life is also not accurate. Here is the reality of my situation. My mother and the female narcissists (high level or NPD) in my life have some things in common. It is weird…because it may be a coincidence of some sort.
They all grew up wealthy. And while wealthy isn’t the cause it was an interesting commonality. Their parents used the wealth inappropriately, in my opinion. All these females were overindulged…not with love but with things…having things…being the kid with the best bike, having expensive clothes, cars. They were the one’s who, I think, got envied when they were younger…and grew up being envied all the time.
But then there is something about each of their adult lives that has a weird commonality.
They struggled financially when they were adults. The did not have the wealth of their parents and were not able to maintain that lifestyle only to have to rely on their parents for money. I know, today, of my 35+ female narcissists who have their parents pay for their vacations and a lot of things. Okay, the truth is that doesn’t matter…what matters is how they treated me when I got something good in my life. All of their responses were filled with the fact that I was unworthy of what I had achieved. I should have failed or not have something. It was them saying I was not worthy of it – I had no right it. It was their sense of entitlement. I had achieved something that only they were entitled to it.
It is sad to think about the many times my mother behaved like this to me. She thought she was the one entitled to everything — having clothes, spending the money, having the friends. A mother envious of her daughter.
Envy, entitlement…why is it our there? why have some lost value in themselves only to steal it from others? I know the question will never be answered.
And maybe I’m left with only one answer: I know how I feel when I get treated like that, I know that it would be inhuman to do so on another.