I went to a work dinner last night. And one of male colleagues who I have known over the years was there. I keep in contact with via Facebook. The last post was about her 9 year old daughter’s track and field meet.
I asked him about and said that it is great that the team won. The conversation went like this…
Me: How is Traci enjoying track, I saw the last post from your wife and it said they won their first meet…that’s terrific…
Dad: She got a ribbon for participating, she didn’t win it.
Me: That is still terrific…is she enjoying the sport, what event does she do?
Dad: She is in the long distance run. Traci is more the ‘cheerleader’ type. (speechless from this labeling) We are trying to make her more competitive. She is in the team with friends and she runs along side her friends cheering them on and trying to motivate them. She can run faster but she stays back with her friends. We will drill it into her to be competitive and win.
I was speechless at this comment. Shocked I truly didn’t know what to do or say. Someone interrupted with another story at the table and I began to get disgusted. This father has a daughter and isn’t accepting her for who she is…compassionate towards her friends and just enjoying the team. If she was competitive then accept her for that…if she enjoys cheering people on then accept her for that. Enjoy her enjoyment of the team sport. Love her for who she is.
I spent most of the evening thinking about this and how many narcissistic parents wonder why their adult children don’t talk to them anymore or contact them. They wonder and here are the specifics. This is the gut wrenching honesty of why adult children are trying to recover. The girl has to face parents who are trying to change her, she will wonder why they don’t love and accept her for who she is. This is the specific of what exactly we are trying to break free from!