Intensity

No matter what intensity level your N is…it is exhausting to deal with them.  I have RNs (Remote Narcissists) who live quite a distance away and Low Intensity Ns that may or may not have NPD but the little interaction I have with them…make it exhausting to deal with them.

This last month I had contact with an RN and a LYN (Low Intensity N) via the chat in Facebook.   The RN (Lydia) starting texting me on FB.  So the chat basically goes like this…I ask all the questions…and she answers…I respond to her answer with something like…’oh…that is great’ or ‘sorry, to hear that’.  Then I think she will start chatting or, I don’t know, ask me a question about my life.  Nope. Nada. Niks.  I ask a question about her life…kids, hubby, the list goes on…still no question my way.  Okay, I was exhausted…it was a TAKE, TAKE, TAKE from her.  She had a point to chatting with me…she had an ulterior motive…she got to it…and the conversation ended.

Then a LYN started texting me…I approached cautiously…conversation went like this…I asked questions…I got responses…I reacted to responses…and then nothing… Nada. Niks.  Got exhausted after I asked my 3rd question.  I set my boundary.  I told him I’m going to bed.  Ended this conversation before the ulterior motive came up.

No matter what level of N you have got it is exhausting…the energy it takes to interact with them.  What a lesson…  Really just can’t be bothered anymore.  Ever feel just so exhausted even if you had to deal with them for 5 minutes?  Seriously, they suck the energy right out of you.

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2 thoughts on “Intensity

  1. Hello, your blog has really resognated with me. I feel deep empathy abd admire your strength for successfully cutting narcissistic people out of your life. They don’t deserve the constant attention they crave. I am stuck in a similar pickle. I have a set of friends both girls, who find every way possible to humiliate me or put me down at their expense. If it not my employment status in searching for work its practically anything else.. My hair, my clothes, my family being poor. And it’s really grating on me. Im pretty close to actually hating them. My partner works full time and makes more than them both put together, While they are struggling with keeping a house together with bills ect.. And I’m not in work right now and I feel like they take that jealousy out on me. I do feel like I have a better perspective of how to deal with it when I next see them though, with a lot of thanks to you. I’ve been researching for a while now and I think calling them out on it will show their true colours to all my friends. im just waiting for the right moment to tell them exactly what i think of them, and how its makes me feel, because deep down I know I’m going to eventually just avoid them more anyway. I’m still just a tad nervous cause there friends with my friends, and its a pretty close circle. I’m just stumped on what will happen to us in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Dan B,

      Thank you for the comment.

      I can relate very much. Dealing with friends who put people down is extremely difficult. I’ve had friends put me down for my employment status, body, etc. And I walked away feeling awful about myself. It is tiring and a lot of comments about the body, how we earn a living, etc. are actually boundary violations.

      I have felt hate when my boundary violations have been crossed repeatedly and I didn’t address it. It is not a fun place to be. I have found that dealing with my initial anger that is influenced from such a behavior has prevented me from going down that same path with other friends and family members.

      I believe each person has to deal with their relationships the best way each person feels is necessary. It is hard to understand what you mean by ‘call them out on it’. I share with you some of my experiences. When I have confronted my friends, I have told them how I felt when they make comments about my hair, body, employment status, etc. I have talked about my feelings and their behaviors. What I didn’t do is call them a ‘narcissist’ or use any other labels to describe their behaviors or who they are. That is, in itself, an attack on them. I have found that addressing one behavior (put downs that cross your boundaries) that is the most aggravating is a more effective way of handling the discussion. If I brought up every single behavior then, I would be dumping on them. This actually told me more about our friendship. Either my friends respected how I felt or they didn’t. The ones that respect my feelings I have built a better relationship. The ones that didn’t, well, I knew more about what type of friendship we had.

      I wish you well in addressing this and trying to build better relationships. If you would like, I would like to hear further how it went (no obligation to do so).

      Thank you for reading. xxTR

      Like

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