It took the second round of being joblessness to help me figure out why it bothered me when some people asked me about the job search. The first time I was jobless I hadn’t discovered yet what N is and the fact that my mother has NPD. Now, in my second round of joblessness and with complete N awareness and support from the blogging community I started to listen more to how I was really feeling about how certain people treated me and what it was telling me.
Both times around, the Ns constantly asked about the job search. I mean it was every time I spoke to them or saw them. With 2 of them I talked to them once a week. It was getting old and…wouldn’t I tell you if I got one? And when I would complain to my boyfriend his answer was basically they are asking out of concern. Well, then why did it not feel good. When someone cares, it feels good and it makes you feel supported and that you can get through rough times. But I didn’t feel like that at all.
Today, I got it! They are focusing on oNe thing and oNe thing only. They only ask about this oNe aspect of my life. But concern for someone is about all of them. It is talking and asking about the other stuff in one’s life: friends, family, language classes, photography, reading, traveling, biking, etc. And from the Ns, they never seemed interested in any of the other aspects of my life.
By focusing on only one aspect: of course, not a positive one they are able to draw power. They need to get their self esteem from you. Go ahead and play your games…what will happen to you when I will get a job…you are predictable…you will pick another thing to focus on…it will be my weight, my hair, my clothes.
So, a FO to Lydia, my MiL and the bTCH in my language class. Ask away, everyday. One day the answer will change and your world will shatter…that is your ugliness and our beauty is we are free.