I became interested in the topic of the differences between male and female narcissists when I realized that one of my friends, Don, is a male narcissist. Until that time the narcissists in my life had been female – which is contrary to much of the literature stating that male narcissism is more prevalent (75% of all narcissists are male). I have disagreed with this and highlight the findings that I found useful on this investigation.
Is Narcissism more prevalent in males than in females?
Kathy Krajco’s Blog Narc-attack has a post entitled ‘NPD? A Male Disease? An Adult Disease?’ She answers this question beautifully. Females are just as prevalent and are underrepresented in the statistics. The females I have dealt with are more vicious than the males and are more clever at coming across as saints to the general public. The subtly of the female narcissists makes people think we are the ones that are crazy instead of them. Dare I say I do not openly talk about this subject with many people and have reduced my thoughts to this blog.
The next question for me was:
What exactly are differences in male and female narcissism?
I read a website which explains the differences (Winning Teams). It highlights probably the most significant difference: subtly. Men assert their narcissism directly and females do so indirectly. That may explain why female narcissists can go undetected and why at first it is not evident that the female is narcissistic.
With my dealings with Don he is indeed more assertive…or aggressive in his narcissistic expressions. He hogs the conversation and competes with you directly. He will outwardly say that his job is more complex and in higher status and pay than yours. He says his car is better than yours. He will tell you that you have nothing going on and he is busy all the time.
Lydia, his wife, expresses narcissism much more indirectly. She mentions that she has a new car and tries to weave it into the conversation, she instead ever so often tell stories about her dealings with the new car. She makes a joke about you rather than directly tell you that you have no life. She is the queen of subtly insulting you and showing her superiority.
What is interesting about dealing with Don & Lydia is that my boyfriend is not that bothered by Don. He recognizes that Don talks all the time and my boyfriend has to interrupt to get a word in. However, my boyfriend is not as upset with Don as I am. Don is more verbally hurtful towards me than my boyfriend.
Does the male narcissist treat males and females differently?
My first response was YES! I read an article entitled ‘A man with attitude – male narcissists‘. This explains why the wife/girlfriend deals with the worst of it. This explained why Don would verbally attack me and not my boyfriend. Male narcissists are chauvinistic and old-fashioned. Don does not like the fact that my relationship with my boyfriend is one of equality.
The male narcissist measures himself (competes) against other straight men. This usually means that he has male straight friends who have a lower status (according to his measuring stick). They don’t have a glamourous job or a high status/paying job. If a friend of his were to obtain a better job (or more money, etc.) then the male narcissist will voluntarily drop this friend.
The women who are dealing with male narcissists…my heart goes out to you. You should realize just how strong you are. The fact is…no matter what sex, race, shape, form they come in…they are all terrible and truly evil. I hope to one day be free.
Any thoughts on the differences are welcome!
Related post: Male N or Female N – which is worse?