Goodbye, Lydia

I realized that the last few posts have centered around Lydia.  My mind has been on Lydia the past month, as I have realized that Lydia is a highly narcissistic person and is an unsupportive friend.  I have had to have my peace with our friendship however short lived, meaning I still will keep in contact with Lydia but the true friendship is over.  I have had to say Goodbye to a friendship with Lydia.

Two days ago I received an email from Lydia.  This email was 14 days after I had sent her two consecutive emails (the first email was another 2 weeks on top of that).  Life is busy no doubt that you can miss correspondences.  I have noticed a common behavior pattern with Lydia and unfortunately with other frenemies, narcissistic friends…they take forever to respond to an email or other social networking digital communications.  And I mean forever.  How do I know that it is forever, it means that whenever I finally receive a response to my email I have forgotten what I have written in the email to them!  That is forever.  With my true friends (good company)…somehow they seem to respond rather quickly and timely.  They have busy lives too…they work, are Moms, have obligations.

I even asked Lydia how she prefers to keep in touch and she preferred the digital way / social networks or texting.  Okay, no prob for me.  Well, when I spent some time with Lydia (without Don), it was a little clearer to me on her busy life.  On her normal school day…meaning when she has to see the kids off to school…she would have breakfast and would get on the computer.  She was on FB and emailing when I was visiting her.  I would be there eating breakfast and she would be on the computer Facebooking.  Fine, a bit anti-social but she did this for all the days I was visiting her.  She managed to do this after the kids were in bed, right in front of her guests, me and my boyfriend.

Needless to say when my emails on Facebook were answered about 5 weeks too late I was not surprised.  Her average time to answer my emails is about 2 weeks…okay…I’ll accept it.  Some people can’t manage to respond timely.  Everyone is different.

Why do I say goodbye to our friendship?  After the 2-5 week wait time for an email form Lydia, I am disappointed.  Not because of the wait time but the email is filled with narcissistic comments, unsupportive comments and not to mention, it lacks the question: how are you doing, TR?  Her emails to me are not about keeping in touch, it is about filling her and Don’s narcissitic needs.

11 thoughts on “Goodbye, Lydia

  1. Pingback: Dealing with a Frenemy or Narcissistic Friend « In Bad Company

  2. Thank you for posting this. It helped clarify some thoughts I’d had but hadn’t put into words yet. Last week I unfriended two friends on Facebook when I finally got tired of never hearing from these people timely, or at all, and realized the friendships were over long ago. I have long wondered why they were a FB friend; I’m sure they feel the same way.

    I don’t need to keep in touch with those women. They are both very self-absorbed and controlling in relationships. I doubt they will miss me; too busy holding court 😉

    It’s so refreshing to have these kinds of pseudo-connections gone from our lives, huh? 🙂


    • Thank you, Joyful Alive Woman.

      So true…2 weeks is too long! De-friending someone on Facebook is great closure…I de-friended a narcissist (Marian in my blog) about 6 months ago…not only was it closure but it brought me a sense of relief (something I did not expect). I am still processing my ‘friendship’ with Lydia…so eventually I will find the right answer. I am glad to hear that you are staying strong and ‘washing them out of your hair.’

      Take care.

      T Reddy


  3. Holy crap, it’s like the light has been turned on. 2012 will defo be about keeping the friendships that work and spending less time and effort on the ones that don’t


    • The wasted energy is one of the things I find the most frustrating thing after realizing the N never was my friend and grieving. It is like an awakening of how much time, money and energy went towards something soooo negative and not good for our souls. Life is sooooooo short…we have a right to make it good! Here is to you…all the best wishes for the new year!


    • It is weird how the Ns do that; almost all I know do that. Major red flag. Then, I always wonder why they don’t return my messages if in the presence of company they are busy connecting digitally with others. xxT


  4. Hi ! writer of this blog post! I just wanted to say: I’m relieved for you that you came to the clear realization about Lydia being a cluster B creature (relieved for you because you deserve only a fellow warm, loving, genuinely caring and sincere, supportive kindred spirit type of friend) . Like many commenters on this blog, I too have had several people in my life who I eventually sadly discovered were these cluster b creatures (most of them covert narcissists). You know what’s best to do for you, but my 2 cents would be the classic anti-narc advocates mantra of “NO CONTACT”.
    In any case, I just wish for you to be free of any and all psychological abuse / malignant emotional manipulation control tactic type of persons. Wish you joy and freedom!! PS: Love your blog!



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