The actions of a narc have a ripple effect. Tonight I had a reflection into my interactions with Lydia (who is married to Don, who is narcissistic). Lydia’s behaviors towards me over the last 3 years of knowing her have been somewhat similar to how Don treats Lydia.
Lydia has a job, she is a stay at home Mom…it is the hardest job there is. Don has repeatedly in a sarcastic manner made many comments to Lydia about how she doesn’t do anything at home, she sleeps and has it good. I can’t begin to tell you how much his comments towards her bugged me…Lydia was raising their kids…he should recognize that and appreciate that…I have even opened up my mouth to Don when he made those comments only to be called a feminist and lesbian.
Lydia after repeatedly hearing this probably does not feel good about herself. I guess that she feels like that because of how she treats me. In the beginning of year 2008 I was looking for a job…during my unemployment she continuously (every weekend I saw her) reminded me of the fact that I am at home with nothing to do. Those six months of searching for a job were not easy…she managed to remind me religiously that I have nothing better to do…her exact words. I find myself in the same situation 2,5 years later, being unemployed because we moved to another country…she has started down this same path…she has said to me several times over email and instant messaging ‘got nothing to do’. I am handling it better this time around because I know about narcissism and she lives far away so she is only limited to digital form of communications.
My realization is that she hears what Don says, feels bad and tries to make herself feel better by putting me down, supposedly in her eyes…I am doing even less than her because I don’t have kids at home. The ripple effect is horrible…even if I had only a friendship with Lydia and did not interact with Don very much…I would manage to still deal with the continuous negative comments. The effect can be as small as the regular negative comments to something much worse.