True Confession

In my earlier posts I mentioned that I am in fact narcissistic at a high level and that I am working on improving these learned behaviors from my Mom who has NPD.  My earlier posts were always about other people behaving badly.  It is now my turn to tell you about a time I was narcissistic in the most horrible of ways.

I had just started a job after graduating university and within a few months I was already training a new person within our team.  Amy and I became friends and started hanging out together.  One night we went out to the bars.  We were enjoying the live music, the drinks and the dancing when another girl bumped into me and then said a racist comment at me (I have dark color skin).

I was upset and I walked up behind her and I told her that I did this for a living and that I made a lot of money and blah, blah.  I was angry and yelled at her because she bumped into and called me a bad name.

My behavior to a stranger were uncalled for, there was no excuse for me to go up to her and get all mad at someone that was probably drunk.  Amy stopped being my friend after that.  She was right, why would you want to be friends with someone who treated people like that.

I look back on this incident and feel awful about how I yelled at that girl and how I hurt a friend along the way.  I only realized how narcissistic this was after discovering what NPD is…I had had bad feelings of the incident but I now knew why I had behaved that way.

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2 thoughts on “True Confession

  1. I think this is where it gets hard: to recognise learned Nbehaviour in ourselves. Also their recorded messages in our heads. Hard work really. Realistically it’s unavoidable that we have picked up their behaviours: children are born imitators, and if that’s what they’re exposed to that’s what they’ll copy, until they find different role models. I suppose the difference with us is that we are willing to acknowledge this and try to change the behaviour, whereas they’ll go to their grave thinking they’re “perfect” 😉

    Kara xxoo

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