I am closing this blog, meaning it will be deleted. I left it open thinking one day I would return to it. My break from it was due to having a baby. There are many tales to share, no doubt, about the moments leading up to becoming a mother after I have written for so long about my own here in this blog. But maybe the most significant one is how I missed and needed a mother at that moment. Not by any means my actual mother but ‘a mother’ – a mother I had fantasied about.
After my beautiful daughter arrived, that mother I had longed for, needed for so long had to materialise in the form of me. Many times I thought (and still today) how can I be a mom I want to be proud of, the mom my daughter needs. And I, of course, turned to where I am most comfortable, books. I read and read and read. And then I read some more. Many books were helpful, others were not useful and the advice from others, although well intended, didn’t seem to fit with who we are. And then she came and it was hard. And in some ways easier than I had imagined.
Along with baby, I continued therapy, moved countries twice and started down a different career path and I am happier than I have ever been. And that has nothing to do with having a baby, only to do with the last six months and why I have made the decision to close the blog.
The last six months have been life changing. The last time I spoke such words was when I became a mama and before that, when I realised I needed to find out more about me and my mother. And that led me to find you all in the blogsphere. And how fantastic and life changing was that!
So Thank You. Thank you for sharing your stories, your opinions, a bit of yourself and most of all, thank you for your time. You have changed my life in so many wonderful ways. The next steps I am taking could not have been possible without you.
And my last official post of this blog is written below which ends this past decade given room to a new one.
I hope this letter reaches you all in time before deletion. I plan on deleting the blog in two weeks time from publication date.
P.S. To those that have read many of the stories I have shared, I am still in contact with my mother (that does not mean she responds back) and many of the other people I have written about here. I have not ‘deleted’ them out of my life, I am only more clear on my boundaries and from there I take action.